


Symptoms

by Lise



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (in the background) - Freeform, (sort of), Brothers, Difficult Family Conversations, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, POV Thor (Marvel), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Siblings, alternate POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13473198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: Something's a bit odd about Loki. Thor would really like to know what it is.A sequel/alternate POV ofAftereffects.





	Symptoms

**Author's Note:**

> Several people mentioned in the comments of Aftereffects interest in Thor's point-of-view and/or the aftermath of the events of that fic. This is a little of both, though it ended up being mostly about "unresolved issues between these two fucked up siblings" more than anything. With a little bit of "Val messes with Thor's head" thrown in there. 
> 
> With thanks to my delightful [beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), who deals with me going "but did you like it? _are you sure?_ " about almost everything I send her.

Something was wrong with Loki, and Thor knew it. 

He hadn’t pressed too hard thus far, because pressing Loki too hard on anything was the quickest way to get him to run as fast as he could in the other direction. And besides, Thor was a bit tired of chasing after him. If Loki wanted help, he’d ask for it. 

Except that he wouldn’t, which was the problem. Loki had _never_ been good at asking for help, and if he thought he was hiding his nerves well...it wasn’t so well as he thought. Thor noticed how tense he was when Thor was watching, and the way he settled almost the second Thor turned his attention elsewhere. He tried not to let it hurt. 

Loki had come back. And he’d stayed. And was staying, and was even being _helpful._ That was what was important. Whatever was _wrong…_

“Does Loki seem off to you?” Thor asked Val, because he had a feeling that if he asked Heimdall he’d just get a stare that communicated _why do you think this is something I want to talk about?_

“I have no idea,” Val said. “I don’t know what ‘on’ looks like for him.” 

“He just seems…” Lethargic, Thor thought. Slower than he should be, more lackluster. Loki said he was tired, which was probably explanation enough, but it didn’t _feel_ right. His instincts kept prodding him that there was something else, but perhaps that was just suspicion. Thor didn’t _like_ feeling suspicious of Loki. He didn’t like knowing that he probably should be. 

He couldn’t spend much time worrying over the problem of his brother, though - not when there was so much else to be done. So he set it aside - something to come back to later.

* * *

Thor came to the conclusion that Loki was avoiding him. 

He was still on the ship, he knew that. He’d checked, and all the shuttles were in place. But he didn’t come to the regularly scheduled meetings one day, and then another. Unease prickled through Thor and he caught himself staring at Loki’s usual chair several times.

“Is Loki well?” He asked Heimdall.

“I don’t know,” Heimdall said. Thor frowned, and he said, “Loki hardly ever lets me see what he’s doing these days. I wouldn’t make much of it. I suspect it’s more habit than anything.” 

Thor frowned. “Maybe I should go check on him.” 

“If you want my advice,” Heimdall said, “don’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because whatever Loki’s reason for making himself scarce, I doubt he would appreciate being interrupted.”

Thor knew it was true. How many times had he barged in on Loki after he’d disappeared for several days only to be shouted at for interrupting him? Though then there were the other times, when he’d been so distracted by some project or another that he’d forgotten to eat.

“I suppose,” Thor said reluctantly. “But what if something is wrong?” 

“It’s up to you,” Heimdall said. 

Thor drummed his fingers on his leg and finally made up his mind. Too many times, perhaps, he’d let things go and decided that Loki would be fine on his own. It seemed clear now that that wasn’t necessarily the best way to handle things. All he needed to do was knock on the door and ensure that he wasn’t in some kind of dire straits. 

So he found the room Loki had taken for himself, braced to defend himself if necessary, and knocked on the door. 

“Hold on!” He heard, muffled, and started. That was definitely not Loki’s voice. 

“Val?” He said, startled. 

“Yeah, just a-”

The door opened just enough that he could see her face, hair mussed, looking flushed and annoyed. “What?” 

Thor blinked. “This is Loki’s room,” he said. 

“Yep,” she said. “Last I checked.” 

“Uh,” Thor said. He glanced at her flushed cheeks and mussed hair again. 

“What did you want?” She asked, brusque. 

“I was...I hadn’t seen Loki in a couple days. Is he…”

“Sleeping,” Val said, and grinned toothily. Thor wanted to blush. It wasn’t like he didn’t - it wasn’t like he and Loki had never discussed their sexual exploits with each other. But this was...a bit different. More direct. Or maybe just that it was Val.

“Oh,” he said. Val just looked at him, her eyebrows raised. 

“Mm,” she said. “Was there anything else?” 

A couple of _days,_ Thor thought, somewhere between awed and horrified. “No,” he said. “No, I guess not.” 

“Great,” she said, and closed the door. Thor stared at it. _Oh, Loki,_ he thought. _Should I be worried or offer congratulations?_

* * *

He saw Valkyrie saunter through the mess hall the next day, and debated over approaching her, but decided he should probably leave it alone. He still felt distinctly awkward about the whole thing. 

Of Loki, however, there was still no sign, and Thor’s embarrassment rapidly crossed into irritation. What possible reason could he have for so persistently keeping his distance? Did he think Thor was going to be _angry?_ For what? He might be a little _surprised_ (Valkyrie and Loki had hitherto barely seemed to tolerate each other) and maybe a little concerned (Valkyrie was not the most patient of women, and Loki excelled at straining anyone’s patience), but Thor wasn’t going to hold either against him.

He was a little stung by the idea that Loki might think otherwise.

In the end, he did go to Valkyrie. “Where’s Loki,” he demanded. 

She shrugged. “Why are you asking me?” 

“Because you’re-” Thor stopped, and she looked blandly back at him. 

“I’m not keeping him tied up in my bedroom, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said. Thor gave her an incredulous look.

“I wasn’t thinking that.” Though now he was almost wondering. “I just thought you might know, since he seems to be avoiding me.” 

“Next time I see him I’ll tell him you were looking,” she said. “Though if I had to guess that’ll probably just make him nervous. He’s kind of a nervy guy, your brother.” 

Thor could not argue with that. “I’m not _upset_ with him,” Thor said, though that wasn’t entirely true. 

“Uh huh,” Valkyrie said. “Can I go, Lord of Thunder? Or do you have more questions?”

Thor sighed. He did have more questions, but he didn’t think they were going to get answers. 

So he let Val go and went directly to Loki’s room instead, where he knocked on the door perhaps a little more loudly than necessary. “Loki!” He called. “Are you in there?”

Nothing. He pressed his ear to the door but could not hear anything. Thor was sorely tempted to kick it. 

When he found Loki, he was going to punch him.

* * *

The next day, Thor returned from a miserable day exhausted and irritated to find Loki in his room, stretched out on his bed. Thor stopped. 

“Where have you _been?_ ” Thor demanded. “I haven’t seen you in a week and a half! I don’t know _how_ you’ve managed to avoid me on a ship this size, and I can’t believe it took you _this_ long to decide that you were done ignoring me-”

“I’ve ignored you for a lot longer,” Loki pointed out. Thor growled, and Loki, to his surprise, looked away. “I am...sorry.”

“You should be,” Thor said, still a little betrayed. “What did you think I was going to do? You’re both adults.”

“Ah,” Loki said after a beat. “Yes. Well, of course. I thought you might be…” Loki trailed off, eyes flicking away. 

“Might be what?” Thor asked. “Disappointed? Jealous?” 

“Both?” 

Thor shook his head. “You’re an idiot,” he said. “Norns, Loki. It’s absurd. That you’d think…” He huffed an exasperated breath and walked over, giving Loki a shove. 

It was meant to be playful. Which was why it caught Thor by surprise when Loki gasped and went white.

Thor froze. “Loki?” He said, confused. Loki pushed himself up to a sitting position, but because Thor was watching closely he noticed the clumsiness of the movement and the slight hiss of Loki’s inhale. He reached out to catch his arm, though gently this time. “You’re - are you _hurt?_ ”

But when? And how? 

Had _Valkyrie-_

“I’m not,” Loki said, sounding defensive. “I’m perfectly fine.” 

“Liar,” Thor said lowly, his mind racing. There’d been something vaguely off about Loki almost since immediately after Asgard’s destruction. “What happened?” 

Loki expelled a breath through his nose. “Nothing worth fretting about _now._ ”

“And earlier?” Thor demanded. “What about then? Was it worth fretting about earlier?” 

“No,” Loki snapped, but Thor could see him guarding his stomach with his other arm. 

“Were you wounded?” He asked, anger rising. “You said nothing. And it must have been badly or you would not still be feeling it-”

“It’s _fine,_ ” Loki said. Thor planted his feet. 

“Then you won’t mind showing me.” 

Loki’s jaw shifted. He stared at Thor, tense, still guarding himself. Thor felt a bitter tang of victory, mingled with a prickle of guilt. If Loki _had_ been badly hurt - Thor hadn’t noticed. And while Loki had _always_ tended to hide his injuries...Thor had usually been able to detect them. 

And this time he hadn’t. 

“Well?” Thor said. 

For a moment he thought Loki would just bolt. Then he stood up jerkily and shed his tunic, pulling it off over his head though Thor heard him hiss as he did so. Then he held out his arms to either side. “Happy now?” He said, sharp and bitter. 

Thor’s eyes were drawn first to the thick white bandage around Loki’s middle, and then upwards to the raised, pink scar on his chest following the line of his sternum: ugly, clearly left to heal untreated.

His mind flicked to the image of Loki’s mouth opening, back arching, spitted on the end of the blade he’d used to stab the Kursed. A shudder went through him and he swallowed hard, but he pushed that particular problem away to deal with later and pointed at the bandage instead. 

“Unwrap that.” 

“That’s unnecessary. You’ve proven your point-”

“Loki,” Thor growled, and he - flinched. Another twist of guilt. Maybe privacy wasn’t the only reason Loki had avoided saying anything to him. 

Loki glared at him, but finally jerked and started unwrapping the bandaging in short, sharp movements. It was wrapped thick, and when he finally pulled the last layer away Thor sucked in a breath. 

It looked like a chunk of flesh had been - gouged out of him. It was half healed, at least, scar tissue starting to form, but it would be another ugly mark. “What the _hell_ happened?” He demanded. Loki huffed and reached for the bandaging, starting to replace it. 

“A scratch,” he said. 

“That isn’t a _scratch,_ ” Thor said, his voice rising precipitously. “That looks - did you go to the healers?” 

Loki looked away. “No,” he said, terse. “They have enough to deal with.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Thor shot back. “They’d make time for a _prince._ ”

Loki’s jaw shifted again, his body tensing. “I didn’t want to go.”

“Why not? Instead you - what?” 

Loki’s nostrils flared briefly and for a moment Thor thought he would just bolt, but then he said, “I had - Valkyrie cut the infection out of me.” 

Thor blinked. “The infection?” He said, and then, “you had her do _what?_ ”

Loki groaned and seemed to give up on the bandage, lying back down on Thor’s bed. “One of Hela’s soldiers cut me. Apparently their blades carry some sort of poison, or curse, or something, that starts a slow rot in the victim’s flesh. By the time I realized, it was a bit late. I talked Valkyrie into tending to it for me so I didn’t have to deal with healers.” 

Thor stared at him, mouth opening and closing, not sure where to start. Between _slow rot_ and _one of Hela’s soldiers cut me_ and _a bit late._

He sat down. His eyes caught on the ugly wound on Loki’s chest, and knew there would be a matching one on his back. 

“You didn’t say anything,” he said finally. “About being wounded. Even if you did not, for whatever reason, want to see a healer - you might have said something to _me._ ” 

Loki shrugged. “I suppose.” 

Anger heated Thor’s chest, a relief from the sick feeling it gave him to think _your brother was dying right under your nose and you didn’t realize._ Even if Loki had been _hiding_ this. He remembered Loki’s pallor, his lackluster responses, the way he’d seemed comparatively slow and dull. “You _should_ have said something to me. I’m your _brother._ And your king! If one of those didn’t matter-” Loki just looked at him, eyebrows raised like he was waiting for Thor to tire himself out. “How am I supposed to trust you when you won’t even tell me when you’re hurt?”

Loki’s expression went blank almost immediately. “I am sorry to have inconvenienced you,” he said stiffly. “Next time I am inhibited from my responsibilities I will inform you.” 

Thor put his head back, exasperated. “That’s not what I _mean._ ” 

“Isn’t it?” Loki said, his voice brittle. Thor let out an explosive breath. 

“No,” he said heavily. “It isn’t. I just...I want you to come to me for help. Not - hide away until you are _dying._ ”

“I wasn’t dying,” Loki mumbled. Thor just looked at him, and Loki looked away. “I _wasn’t._ Valkyrie caught it before it got that far.” 

Thor wasn’t sure if he was jealous or relieved. “At least you told _someone._ ” 

“I didn’t have to,” Loki said. “She noticed.” 

At first that _stung,_ hearing _unlike you,_ but a moment later Thor realized that if she’d been seeing Loki naked then that _would_ make sense. But that also meant that _she_ hadn’t said anything, and that...they were going to have words about that. 

“I’m fine _now,_ ” Loki insisted. 

“I’d feel better about that if you’d go see the healers.” 

Loki’s expression tightened again. “I’m not a child. I don’t need to go to a healer for every scratch-”

“You should go if you’ve had a chunk of flesh carved out of your stomach,” Thor said, voice raised. Loki twitched. 

“Thor,” he said, and cut off. “You can’t force me to go. Can’t you take my word for this one thing?”

Thor stared at him. “You never used to be afraid of healers,” he said finally. Loki shrugged, looking away.

“I never used to a lot of things.”

Thor wanted to ask for an explanation, but he didn’t think he’d get one. Not right now, at least. “All right,” he said. “ _Fine._ But the moment - the _moment_ things get worse, swear you will at least come to _me._ And let _me_ decide what the sensible thing to do is.” 

Loki looked away. “What,” he said, his lightness sounding forced. “You don’t think my way was sensible?” 

Thor growled, shaking his head. “No,” he said. “I don’t. You and _sensible_ seem to have parted ways a long time ago.” 

Loki huffed. “That isn’t true.” 

“Try telling me that again when you haven’t just told me that you had yourself half gutted because you wouldn’t tell anyone you got hurt,” Thor said. Loki jerked to his feet. 

“I don’t have to put up with this,” he said, voice tight, and vanished. Thor frowned at where he’d been. He hadn’t gotten the chance to ask, he realized: _why? Why wouldn’t you come to me?_

* * *

“When were you going to tell me that my brother almost _died,_ ” Thor demanded. Valkyrie didn’t even glance at him. 

“I wasn’t,” she said. “He seemed pretty intent on nobody knowing.”

“You should have at least told _me._ ”

“Honestly,” Valkyrie said, “I think it was you he _least_ wanted to know.”

That hurt. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t known - or inferred - but hearing it put so bluntly was...he didn’t trust Loki, for a lot of good and obvious reasons. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him that Loki might not trust _him._

“What did he think I would do?” Thor asked, half to himself. 

“I don’t know,” Val said. “Kick him off the ship for being a waste of resources?” 

Thor’s eyes widened. “I wouldn’t-!” Surely Loki wouldn’t think so badly of him as _that._ He _had_ to know Thor better. He did know Thor better; that’d been why he’d been able to trick him so many times. 

“People in dire straits have to make hard choices,” Val said blandly, and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Just an example.” 

“ _You_ don’t think I’d do that,” Thor said desperately. Val half smiled.

“No,” she said. “I don’t. But you keep asking me what Loki thinks like I have any idea. He’s not exactly an open book, and we don’t exactly do a lot of talking about our feelings.” 

_Well,_ Thor thought dryly. _If there’s not a lot of talking that probably explains why she hasn’t stabbed him yet._ Most of him, though, was still distressed by the idea that Loki might think that. Because now that Val had said it, it _did_ sound like the sort of mad thing Loki _might_ believe. 

“If you’re looking for someone to help you work out your sibling issues,” Val said, “try Heimdall.” 

Thor gave her an annoyed look. “I’m not trying to _work out_ anything. I’m trying to understand why neither my brother nor his lover saw fit to inform me of something that very much concerns me.”

“Can’t speak for Loki,” Val said, “but I just kind of figured it was none of your business.”

“None of my-” Thor’s jaw clenched. “He’s my _brother._ Just because you’re sleeping together-”

“Whoops, there it is,” she said. “The assumption that because I’m fucking someone I’ve lost all my brains.” 

Thor came to a stuttering halt. “That wasn’t what I-”

“Damn,” Val said. “I thought better of you, Your Highness.” She shook her head. 

“You know very well that’s not what I was saying,” Thor growled. Her expression hardened and she looked back at him. 

“Sure,” she said. “Just like I know I’m not going to put up with you lecturing me about my decision making.” She turned and stalked off. Thor decided to let her go. He didn’t think he was going to get much further if he followed, and might earn himself worse than some sharp words.

* * *

This time when Thor went knocking on Loki’s door, he did answer, and if he still looked tired to Thor’s careful eye, he also looked...healthier. Maybe his new association with Valkyrie _was_ doing him good. He could only hope it was doing Valkyrie the same, though he doubted she’d put up with Loki if it wasn’t. 

“Loki,” he said, and then paused, trying to look for the best way to begin.

“Come in,” Loki said after a moment. “Since I assume that’s what you’re working your way toward asking.”

Thor smiled a little ruefully. “You do know me, brother.”

“I’d hope at least a little.” Loki stepped back and Thor came in, taking a seat on Loki’s bed. He glanced around the room, wondering where they’d done it. Where Valkyrie had cut into his brother, how they’d muffled the screams and cleaned up the blood after. “So. What’s bothering you?” 

“Did you think I would throw you out for being a waste of resources?” Thor blurted out. “Is that why you didn’t come to me?” 

Loki blinked. “Where’d you get that idea?”

It wasn’t a _no._ Wasn’t even a laugh. “Valkyrie,” he said simply.

“Ah,” Loki said after a moment. And then, a bit late, “no, I didn’t think you’d throw me out.” 

“But?” Thor said. Loki’s lips twisted a little and he said nothing. Thor leaned toward him. “Loki, what _did_ you think I’d do?”

After several long seconds, Loki shrugged. “I thought you might tell me to take care of it myself - which I did. That it would be inconvenient for you - which it was. You didn’t - don’t - need a sickly weakling occupying your time.”

Thor stared at him, stunned - and _hurt._ “That’s-” Thor clenched his jaw. “You’re an idiot.” 

Loki quirked an eyebrow at him. “So you’ve said. A few times.”

“Do you really think that I would have just - _dismissed_ you? Because it was inconvenient that you were hurt? Because you think my time is too valuable to spare it for my brother, wounded _in Asgard’s defense?_ ”

“Somehow I feel as though that’s a rhetorical question,” Loki said. Thor held back a growl.

“It should be,” he said. One corner of Loki’s mouth pulled up. 

“I’m not making assumptions.”

Thor dropped his head forward and sighed. “I would you gave me more credit than that.”

“You would,” Loki said, with slightly different emphasis. Thor just looked at him.

It was a sobering realization: Loki might have come back - might have decided, apparently, that he was _finally_ going to change - but there was still a rift between them. A gap that Thor wanted to close and didn’t know how to bridge. He wanted _Loki_ to take those first steps, because Thor was tired of it having to be him-

But Loki had, hadn’t he? He was here. Had been making himself useful and had, before this, been acting...almost normal. More like himself. Even as he fell ill and took infection and said nothing because he thought Thor might find it _inconvenient._

Loki looked away with a sigh. “Don’t look so miserable. It’s nothing I hold against you.” 

“I’d rather you did.” Thor kept his eyes fixed on Loki’s face. “It’d at least make more _sense._ ” Loki didn’t answer, and Thor stared down at his knees. “How are we going to move forward if you assume the worst of me?” 

“You’ve done enough,” Loki said, his voice quiet, little more than a mumble. “It’s my turn.” 

It was what Thor had just thought, but somehow hearing it from Loki felt...different. Thor couldn’t say exactly how, except that he shifted, faintly uneasy. 

“I don’t know that that’s how it works,” he said slowly. Loki gave him a sidelong, plainly skeptical look, and Thor grimaced. “It’s not - _just_ you. Well - you _have_ been…” He hunted for the right word.

“An ass?” Loki said, voice dry, but Thor felt his lips twitch with the urge to smile.

“Yes. That. But I was…” Thor sighed. “Back before this. Our family was a mess. I hurt you. And maybe I didn’t mean to, but-”

“I did stab you a few times,” Loki said lightly, but he avoided Thor’s gaze. 

“Avoiding this isn’t going to make it go away,” Thor said. “That hasn’t worked with anything else, has it?” 

“Not very well,” Loki said finally. “No.”

“So don’t,” Thor said simply. “And at the very least trust me that had I known...I would have helped. Even if in the end you would rather Valkyrie at your side-” 

Loki snorted. “I don’t think there is anyone with a worse bedside manner.” 

Thor had to smile, a little. “I believe it.” He paused. “I am...happy for you.” 

Loki leaned back, looking like he was considering something. “If we’re clearing the air,” he said, “there is something you should probably know.” 

Thor tensed, though he tried not to look nervous. “Which is?” 

“Valkyrie and I aren’t actually sleeping together.” He smiled brightly. “She decided it was a good lie to explain why she was spending so much time in my room making sure I didn’t die.” 

Thor opened his mouth, then closed it. He clenched his jaw. “Doesn’t _anyone_ tell me the truth on this ship?”

Loki let out a little hoot of laughter. Thor glowered at him, then cleared his expression. 

“Well,” he said, “I wouldn’t be too sure that she’s not interested. Based on some of the frankly lewd things she’s said to _me,_ I think she has at least been _thinking_ about it.”

He was pleased that Loki at least seemed to be momentarily struck dumb by that. 

There were other things Thor wanted to ask. _What about that scar on your chest, how near did you come to death on Svartalfheim?_ and _do you think we will ever find our way to trusting each other again?_

But for now, he thought, it seemed better to end with a smile and a jest, like nothing between them had changed.


End file.
